Episode 2: How to Set Boundaries without Feeling Like a Jerk
You’re pretty sure you need better boundaries, but you don’t like feeling like you are disappointing people and you aren’t all that sure what your boundaries would be if you DID set them. Plus, sometimes when you speak up for yourself, you just end up feeling like a jerk and wishing you hadn’t said anything at all.
On top of that, “boundaries” can be a bit of a buzzword these days and the word often gets misused and watered down a lot. It might help to know that setting healthy boundaries actually makes relationships stronger and you can do it without feeling guilty.
A Sneak Peek of What You’ll Find in This Episode:
What Boundaries Are Not:
- They are not a wall to push people away, though sometimes people use them that way. (Real boundaries build stronger relationships.)
- They are not a way to tell someone else what they can or can’t do. Real boundaries are about what you are willing to do or not do or how you are willing to show up.
- Setting boundaries does not make you pushy or a jerk. Real boundaries don’t make you selfish or aggressive.
- Boundaries are not a script you are supposed to use to indicate what you want or don’t want. Real boundaries come from within you, not from the words you say but how you feel about yourself and what you’re willing to allow.
- Boundaries don’t have to be one more thing to do that you’re failing at. They can make you more connected with yourself and others.
What You Want by Setting Boundaries:
What we really want when we say we want healthy boundaries:
- To stop overthinking it all
- To stop overcommitting and running on empty
- To say “no” without guilt
- To know when we want to say know and when we want to say yes
- To make our own choices instead of letting other peoples’ expectations dictate them
- To feel like our time, energy, and needs matter
- To stop feeling taken for granted or invisible
- To connect more deeply instead of being fake-agreeable
- To stop people-pleasing
- To trust themselves to speak up
- To get rid of the weight of “shoulds”
Additional Resources to Help You Set Healthy Boundaries:
- Lacking boundaries is closely tied to self-silencing. As you work to set healthy boundaries, taking this free Self-Silencing Quiz can help you spot personal ways that you could strengthen yourself.
- Read about 3 Ways You Can Set Healthy Boundaries in Relationships
- Or check out this story from my own experience of Examples of Setting Boundaries (or in this case, doing a bad job of it)
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