Episode 9: Creating Connection Without Adding More to Your To-Do List
Connection with other people is one of the best parts of life, but sometimes we don’t feel as connected as we wish we did. Sometimes our relationships feel surface level or superficial and many people feel lonely—even when surrounded by people.
On top of that, many of us feel incredibly busy and sometimes overwhelmed. We’d like better connection with other people, but we are already pouring so much into caring for others that it feels like what more can we do?
In this conversation with Dr. Rebecca Clarke, we discuss a way to change the level of connection you feel…that has nothing to do with adding more to your to-do list and can be done anytime, anywhere in about one minute.
A Sneak Peek of What You’ll Find in This Episode:
A Mindset Shift:
Religious philosopher Martin Buber taught a new way of thinking about connection:
I-Connection: Treating someone as an object in your life—something that helps you get what you want or is an obstacle in your path. This doesn’t breed a lot of connection, but is easy to fall into
I-Thou Connection: Treating someone as a “legitimate other” who has feelings and experiences and needs of their own and is someone that can be loved and seen and connected with
Examples:
- I-It: Walking into my kids’ room and commenting on the state of the mess or whether they’ve done their homework
- I-Thou: Walking into my kids’ room and asking questions about their days (and then addressing things like homework or chores as needed)
- I-It: Asking my husband to unload the dishwasher the minute he walks in the door
- I-Thou: Taking one minute to give my husband a hug and a kiss and asking about his day before asking for help with chores
Additional Resources to Help You Create More Connection:
- Read more about How to Have Healthy Relationships With Others
- Learn about how self-silencing often gets in the way of real connection: Self-Silencing 101
- Check out this podcast episode: The Importance of YOU in Your Relationships
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